I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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