Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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