Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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