Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
