I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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