I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
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