I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
operation harelip BJ is a go
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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