idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
