i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
