he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
