I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize