hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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