So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
