I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
