I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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