Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
