I only kidnapped one of them. chill
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
