Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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