im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
