Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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