You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Banned from zoo.
Again?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
