Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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