Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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