Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you win again, gameday.
im holly from the hills drunk
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
