is wine microwaveable?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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