We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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