Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
