His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
