I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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