I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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