you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
