Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
