Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
is that a dick in a sweater?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
