saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
