Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Randomize
