Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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