This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize