I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
