i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
