i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
