hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
