dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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