Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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