Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
