Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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