never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
