Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Send help, water and tortillas.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I love you. Go after that dick
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize