Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
