her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize