Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
