Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
No subtext here. People are naked.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
