Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
