I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
