I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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