I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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