I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
