everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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