Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I could fuck to npr.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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