how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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