Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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