So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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