You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
