Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
