Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
