we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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