goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
