highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Randomize
