I am puke
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
