worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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