My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
