So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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