I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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