She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
