At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
