Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize