My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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