If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
