I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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