I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
