At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Still dying that you shit outside
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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