Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
