We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
