let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
