Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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