dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I'm really busy with my period
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