After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
