he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
