i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
